"Or, The Art of Pleasing Men"
Today was story hour at the library. There is a shelf containing books for sale. Hardback books are $1.00. Paperbacks are only $0.50. I leave my wallet in the car each week to avoid this temptation. Today I was sitting on the floor with Abby and a title caught my eye: "How To Get Married Although A Woman, or The Art of Pleasing Men." I flipped through it then looked inside the front cover. Copyright 1892. I HAD to have this book. So I bummed 25 cents from Jaime and 25 cents from Jenn (THANKS, GIRLS!!) and brought my little find home. It is FULL of juicy little tidbits, and loads of advice that still stands today (or should, anyway). Much of it is too good to keep to myself, so I am going to share some of my favorite excerpts here. Enjoy!
If you wish men to admire you, you must first be a true woman with a noble character. Look to your home-life. Men catch glimpses of that when you least think it. They know well that an industrious, sweet-tempered, unselfish daughter makes an industrious, sweet-tempered, unselfish wife.
Men like bright girls. Even the most sober prefer a jolly, laughing girl. As I once heard a man say about a very merry one, "Think of having such a creature always in your home! You wouldn't have much chance for the blues." Jolly girls are never sentimental. A man hates a sentimental girl. Sentimental looks, long faces, teary expressions are only attractive in novels. Men, out of books, do not like to wipe away tears--they prefer to walk away from them. Never forget that a man is a selfish being....Remember, you look your very worst when you cry. The tears do not "well up" and "overflow," "chasing each other down your alabaster cheeks like so many pearly drops." as they do in novels. No: your face squints up, while your eyes and nose get red.
Make yourself worth having, and men will want to have you. Strive to cultivate a true womanliness and to become an efficient person. Be a girl who can help herself, who is not ignorant of work or too lazy to do it.
You must never run after a man. Make yourself so attractive that he will seek you.
Be tidy always. Have your hair combed, your dress neat, even if it is old. Patches are to be respected, while holes mark the sloven. Always, even if you are scrubbing the floor, be ready to see any one who comes....Some men have a way of dropping in at such unexpected times.....Men like a nice appearance.
Never make an appointment with a young man of which you cannot tell your mother. When a young man urges you to deceive your mother, he means to deceive you. Your mother is your best friend; make her your confidante in all things, then you will never go astray.
Be careful not to call a man by his first name unless he is a relative. A well-bred lady will not even address a man thus whom she has known in her childhood. Do not allow a man to call you by your first name. You can easily show by your manner that it is distasteful to you. Check even the liberty of your Christian name with the prefix Miss. Although you may have an older sister, you have a right to your father's name. If you cannot be Miss Jones, you can be Miss Mary Jones.
When you are out walking with a gentleman, do not allow him to grasp your elbow. Some med do this instead of offering the arm. He is ill-bred if he attempts it. It is too familiar altogether, and is becoming too common. A polished gentlemen will not do it. He will offer his arm.
In all your intercourse with men, do everything to ennoble and nothing to lower his character. Let him see that you are a true woman and a Christian: one whose life is beautiful in its maidenly dignity and attractive loveliness.
"Beauty Rules"
Rule One: A woman's power in the world is measured by her power to please.
Rule Two: Modesty is the ground on which all a woman's charms appear to the best advantage...modestly most not be forgotten
Rule Three: So the woman's aim is to please, and modesty is the first principle
Rule Four: Always dress up to your age or a little beyond it. Let your face be the youngest thing about you, not the oldest.
Rule Five: Remember that what women admire in themselves is seldom what men admire in them
Also included at the end of the book are the Ten Commandments for Women + the Ten Commandments for Men from the 47th Annual Report of the Legal Aid Society of NY 1922:
The Ten Commandments for Women
1. Do not be extravagant. Upon the proper and careful expenditure of your husband's income depends on his willingness to exert himself for the maintenance of your home.
2. Keep your home clean. Nothing is more refreshing to the eyes of the tired nerve-racked worker than the sight of a well-tidied home.
3. Do not permit your person to become un-attractive. A slovenly wife makes a truant husband.
4. Do not receive attentions from other men. Husbands often are jealous, and some are suspicious without cause. Do not supply the cause.
5. Do not resent reasonable discipline of the children by their father.
6. Do not spend too much time with your mother. In such case you may easily spend too little at home for the proper administration of your own domestic affairs.
7. Do not accept advice from neighbors or stress too greatly even that of your own family concerning the management of your domestic affairs. Think for yourself. Have a plan of your own for the solution of home problems. In all cases consult with your husband.
8. Do not disparage your husband.
9. Smile. Be attentive in little things.Consideration for your husband's feelings makes him respectful of yours. An indifferent wife is often supplanted by an ardent mistress.
10. Be tactful. Be feminine. Men, in the last analysis are but overgrown children. They do not mind coaxing, but they resent coercion.
The Ten Commandments for Men
1. Be generous according to your means.
2. Do not interfere with a woman in the management of purely domestic affairs. The average wife is far better qualified than her husband to plan for home comfort and to handle economically that portion of his income set aside for household expenses.
3. Be cheerful, even though it sometimes may tax you to the utmost. Nothing reacts mroe surely on the nerves of a tierd woman to engender suspicion and ill-temper than the homecoming of a gloomy husband.
4. Be considerate. The average woman is a bundle of highly strung nerves. If she complains, it is rarely for insufficient reasons. Her efforts to make your home clean, inviting, and comfortable merit appreciation and cooperation.
5. Make love to your wife; continue to be her sweetheart. Every true wife expects to be a sweetheart, and rightly.
6. Do not scold.
7. Establish your own home, if possible remote from your wife's and your own families. The frequent interference....and opinions....seldom does anything but complicate an already delicate situation.
8. Do not keep a lodger.
9. Cultivate neatness and personal cleanliness. A wife wishes to look up to her husband, to be proud of him and to admire and respect him.
10. Be kind and just to your children. A woman quickly looks with distrust and averson upon the man who is harsh and cruel to her children.
